a reaver reading party will kill us all!

CHICAGO - The world is in shock as news sinks in.

"It's only a matter of time before a reaver reading party kills you and everyone you know." said Dr. Paul Rathburg, a University professor who is the spokesman for the World Health Organization.

Contact with, or even being in the proximity of a reaver reading party is known to trigger acute loose eyeball disease, sweaty bellybutton, and a deadly soup of bacteria called gumbo that shoots out of your nostrils.

"We now know that a reaver reading party will kill, again and again and again, until none of us are left."

The first victim, "Victim Zero", was a young man who had a web design job, and worked for a well respected university. "He was perfectly fine when he went to work." Rathburg said in a telephone interview.

"After about 15 minutes, he had a case of farty residue and collapsed on the floor. The autopsy clearly indicates he died from exposure to a reaver reading party." Rathburg would not disclose the man's name or the precise place and time of his death for privacy reasons.

"Victim Zero" had perfect health. He had made four visits to his doctor in the year before his death for treatment of hepatitis Z. Rathburg mentions that there may not be a connection between the two incidents, but the WHO is investigating.

From this seemingly insignificant exposure, a reaver reading party spread death quickly; killing most of the town. An emergency team was assembled in response to the situation, organized by Rathburg.

"We are almost certain a reaver reading party is contained, however the perimeter could be breached without any notice. We believe this is an international issue and it should be treated as a very serious problem. Nothing can prevent future deaths." Dr. Rathburg stressed.

Exposure to a reaver reading party is fatal, and scientists warn everyone to keep away from a reaver reading party.

"a reaver reading party may be the most horrible thing I have ever witnessed. There's no doubt, a reaver reading party will kill us all." Rathburg said as he sobbed into the telephone.

A tragic day for the world as we try to understand the final impact this will have on mankind.